It’s weird starting to blog on this site and seeing the juxtaposition of my more serious, earthly writing alongside cute pixel art Chao and cakes and cacti. Do I just really like things that start with C? Anyways.

It’s hard to explain the sort of sense of world-redeeming purity and happiness I get just from seeing those little cacti in their cute little pots. The digital world, the world of the web, feels so endearing, so magical, nostalgic, personal, so many things! It sparks memories of my childhood, of old video games, so many happy things. All those things occurred in the real world, that goes without saying! And websites, of course, also exist in the real world. But psychologically, and the significance of this can’t be overstated, these digital spaces are the stuff of dreams, pure imagination, something so beautiful I can hardly find words for it! To me it feels as if some of these things, despite their Earthly origins, have taken on lives of their own in the hyperreal space of the Internet. It’s a process that purifies them, to me, of their Earthly flaws, and then returns them to us humans from the aether, as if now a natural occurrence. The Chao are a good example of this - in reality, someone designed them. They were designed as part of a corporate effort to market things and make money. I don’t deeply hate this or think this is intrinsically evil, but it does feel like a slight sort of corruption? It’s different from the sort of purity we perceive things with as children. But via the medium of the Internet, things become something of their own. I know I’m not explaining this very well or even really attempting to justify what I’m saying. I’m really just describing my own feelings here.

I really do kind of feel like the digital world is better than the real one. I know it has plenty of problems, but I don’t know. The Internet is my true home. It’s where I grew up. It’s my community, my culture. This is what people mean when they say “raised by the Internet”, and I’m happy and proud to have been raised so much by the Internet! The purity that the Internet provides, to me is without equal IRL. That’s not to say I don’t love lots of real life experiences! And I’d be totally freaked out and sad if I was forced to only browse the Internet forever. And yes, I understand the Internet isn’t all pure and good, not even close. But. I don’t know…I just can’t explain it, maybe because it isn’t really justified. I just really love everything about the old web. The graphics, the sounds, the culture. Discovering this movement brought me to tears in the first day. Blissnet made me feel, well, bliss! It was one of the most overwhelming sensations of bliss I’ve ever felt, the emotions came over me, seeing this stranger, express themselves so openly and proudly and clearly, so unashamedly happy, with these quirky visuals tugging on a million memories at once - it was just so moving! I felt like I was getting to know someone, better than many people I know in real life, just by looking at their website! It gave me not only a deep feeling of human connection, but a sense of pride in my humanity, and a thrill as I realized there were so many other sites like this, so many people really working to build this digital utopia, a better world! I mean, it literally brought tears of joy to my eyes! Not just a few, but a lot! I actually breathed out “oh wow” as this wave of emotion crashed over me. I love that the Internet makes it possible to see people’s true selves. Like, if you see someone IRL, they have a body, a face, and they don’t choose those things! They just customize them. But digitally, you can make your own avatar. It’s not sad or escapist or something out of self hatred, no no. It’s much happier! It’s just an opportunity to represent outwardly who you really are inwardly. It’s so beautiful. And it’s not just people. There’s so much more. Little apps, games, things like the water filling up webpages, it’s all so lovely!!

I’m getting a bit too tired to be coherent, so I’ll save the rest of my ramble for another time.